The Oxford Dictionary defines envy as “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, talents or luck.”
I agree with Oxford, but I would like to add that envy is the desperate feeling of wanting what you do not possess like talents and attributes that creates hostility and depression. Malicious envy is normally associated with negative emotions towards the target of comparison. While benign envy is normally associated with positive emotions towards the target of comparison.
While we can see that envy can create chaos in the lives of those who envy and puzzlement on the side of the party being envied, it also has a positive side to it as it can motivate persons to better their aspirations by improving themselves in the areas where they are weak to achieve success. We know that envy is a normal human response when it propels a person to further improve himself or herself. It becomes harmful only when the person becomes obsessed to the point of wanting to harm the envied person.
Even the Bible admonishes us to be guided, 1 Peter 2: 1-3 and I quote, “Therefore get rid of all ill will and all deceit, pretenses, envy and slander. Instead, be like a new born baby, desire the pure milk of the word. Nourished by it, you will grow into salvation since you have tasted that the Lord is good.”
Envious people normally feel stressed and overwhelmed as they always feel the need to be better, smarter, richer, or more gifted. Most persons avoid envious people because they become emotional vampires who suck our energy and make us feel so inadequate. The result of which envious people are avoided by many and they have fewer friends.
How do we
prevent envy?
Assess your attributes and if you feel inadequate, work to improve yourself.
Journal your envy. Ask yourself why you envy and feel the need to compete with another person. Write about your feelings, own your fears and inadequacies. Once you write about your envy pattern, it will reveal many facets of yourself that will surprise you. This process of catharsis will also heal you and enable you to become better and more accepting of yourself.
Share your feelings of envy with someone you trust who only has your best interests at heart like a qualified coach, a psychologist, or a mentor. Listen to the advice and observe how it impacts on your life.
Be a realist. Be happy with who you are. Compliment others for their talents. Ask them to be your mentor.
Take on a grateful heart. Thank God first, your family second. They who love you for who you are, warts and all. Thirdly, your true friends. You will know who they are through time.
This journey of healing to eradicate envy will take time. But with a resolute and firm resolve to change, nothing is impossible. Truly life is beautiful, and it only becomes more beautiful with the way we view life.